A normal 30 something, having split from his latest girlfriend,
decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean
cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is,
until the ship sank. He found himself on an island with no
other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day
when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to
the shore. In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from?
How did you get here?"

She replies, "I rowed from the other side of the island.
I landed here when my cruise ship sank."

"Amazing," he said. "You were really lucky to have a row
boat wash up with you."

"Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. "I made the boat out of
raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled
from gum tree branches, I wove the bottom from palm branches
and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."

"But, where did you get the tools?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the
south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial
rock is exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain
temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron. I
used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware."

The guy is stunned.

"Let's row over to my place," she says.

After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a
small wharf.  As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls
off the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an
exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the
woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp
rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they
walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much
but I call it home. Sit down, please.

Would you like a drink?"

"No! No thank you," he blurts out, still dazed.  "I can't
take another drop of coconut juice."

"It's not coconut juice," winks the woman.  "I have a still.
How would you like a Pina Colada?"

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts
and they sit down on her couch to talk.

After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces,
"I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you
like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor in the
bathroom cabinet."

No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the
bathroom. There, in the cabinet, a razor made from a piece
of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge
are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What next?"

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines,
strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias.
She beckons for him to sit down next to her.

"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him,
"We've been out here for many months. You've been lonely.
There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right
now, something you've been longing for?"

She stares into his eyes. He can't believe what he's hearing.

"You mean...", and he swallows excitedly and tears start to form
in his eyes.........

"Don't tell me you've got Sky Sports?"